Most TRT services hand you a prescription off a checkbox quiz. We hand you thirty-eight markers — the same panel a $400 endocrinologist visit pulls — drawn from your kitchen table, run by a CLIA-certified U.S. lab, read by a board-certified physician. The first kit is $99 and is fully credited toward any protocol you start. No subscription. No commitment. Just a number that's yours.
Read in plain English: Your testosterone is low — meaningfully — and three downstream markers (Free T, Bioavailable T, DHT) confirm it. Your brain is sending the right signals (LH/FSH normal), so your testes are still wired up — they're just under-producing.
The flags I'd want to fix alongside T: HbA1c at 5.8% (pre-diabetic floor), fasting insulin at 14.2 (insulin resistance), and ApoB at 102. These three numbers will move on their own once T comes up — but I'm watching them.
Prolactin is a hair high. We'll re-test at week 8; if it stays elevated I'll order a pituitary MRI as standard of care.
$99, free shipping, plain unmarked box. Lancets, collection tube, alcohol swabs, pre-paid return mailer. Arrives in two days.
Saturday morning, fasted. A fingerstick — not a butterfly. Three lancets, four drops, eight minutes. Drop in the mailer that day.
Quest or LabCorp processes your sample on LC-MS/MS — the same method endocrinologists use. Thirty-eight markers, 72-hour turn.
A board-certified M.D. licensed in your state reviews your panel personally — and either writes you a script or schedules a 15-min video call.
| ⌖ Bench Panel | Endocrinologist visit | Quiz-mill TRT clinic | "Wellness" home test | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Markers tested | ⌖38 markers, full panel | ⌖22–28, varies by doctor | ×3 (Total T, Free T, SHBG) | ×5–8 wellness markers |
| Method (gold standard) | ⌖LC-MS/MS & sensitive E2 | ⌖LC-MS/MS | ×Immunoassay (less accurate) | ×Often saliva (not clinical) |
| Read by | ⌖Board-certified M.D. | ⌖Endocrinologist | ×NP via algorithm | ×"Wellness coach" |
| Time to result | ⌖5 days | ×3–6 weeks (2 visits) | ⌖3–5 days | ⌖5–7 days |
| Out-of-pocket | ⌖$99 — credited toward protocol | ×~$400 with insurance | ×$0 — but no panel run | ×$129–249, no script |
| Outputs a real protocol | ⌖Yes — same-day script if eligible | ⌖Yes, separate visit needed | ⌖Yes, but generic recipe | ×No, just a number |
| Re-test cadence | ⌖Free re-draw at week 8 | ×Bill again per visit | ×Rare or never | ×N/A |
$99 — fully credited toward any protocol you start. Free shipping, free physician review, free re-test at week 8 if you start a protocol. The most thorough hormone test you've ever taken, drawn from your kitchen table.